I don’t know if I miss you
Do I even need to?
I don’t know if you’re my partner anymore
My heart no longer feels sore.
It’s been a while, long enough to say
I don’t hate waking up every day.
I did have this dream about you though
It felt so…real.
I was in your arms and I woke up and thought
I love you. How could I not?
I pondered a bit longer and realized
That I can’t love you, no matter how hard I try.
I can’t see you, I can’t kiss you, I can’t hold your fucking hand
I can’t sit here anymore and demand
That you be there for me.
That’s not going to be my reality.
The fact is you left me after my attempt to die
Only when I was just bouncing back, no longer wanting to cry
Every day I think to myself, how could you?
Now I think you had to.
I would have left too.
I would have left you
If I had the chance.
If I had the wherewithal to know that I can’t
I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I shouldn’t have spent
So much time begging my life went
Right before my eyes wondering where did all my energy go?
I patched holes in the walls of our relationship.
I wasn’t equipped
To do all of the changing.
So yeah, I don’t know if I miss you.
I don’t really think I need to.
See, I’ve been doing the changing on my own terms
I’ve been doing my best to learn
How to be me
Who am I?
How to be a good person
But it’s not for you.
It will never be to
Fix our shit
Will only be